is not really new at all.
In fact, I'm not even startled anymore when I find him lounging on my bed, smiling wickedly at me, and hogging my pillows, the exact same way he used to before we ended it. They say old habits die hard. Its true. I find myself returning to him, like I return to all my used-to-be's.
This time, there's a tiredness in me and I don't even fight him. I capitulate completely, sometimes even planning special things for the nights I know he'll visit. I'll go grocery shopping, and pick up some extra chocolate, or rent a cute movie. He's met all my friends. Certain nights, they even keep us company for some time, shooting wary glances at his fingers laced through mine. Later, they quietly warn me that they think this relationship isn't the best for me. I shrug it off and tell them its not a big deal anyway. Our love is old news now, and he bores me. They don't know, but I secretly hope I can shake him off onto someone else.
When we first met, I was enamored. We had flirted every now and then for a couple months, but things only began to heat up when we were introduced over late night lattes by a mutual friend. I instantly took a liking to the promise of him. There were so many hours, and infinite things he could show me. In a way, I know there are facets of my personality that have his signature proudly stamped on them. He inducted me into the worlds of slam poetry, dub step and youtube covers. I began to read more books, blogs, even knock knock jokes just to sustain conversation with him. For a while, he challenged me for the better, inspired me, and comforted me by making each day a little less stressful. Unfortunately, the honey moon period didn't last forever, and bit by bit I noticed his shortcomings. Worse yet, I noticed how they rubbed off onto me.
I can't complain too much though. Sometimes we have good nights, and sometimes we have nights where I'm so fed up with him invading my bed, I wan't to bludgeon him. All relationships have ups and downs though so I can't complain. Atleast he's consistent, persistently visiting every night except the ones where I'm extremely tired, or have to study. He bolts out the door at the sight of textbooks. Our relationship is comfortable though. He sits on the counter in my kitchen as I make midnight pasta, makes himself at home on the floor and strokes my feet when I read on the couch, and sometimes even agrees to do midnight paintings with me when I'm feeling romantic. Even as I write this, he's here, sitting on the windowsill, getting ready to go just as the sun comes up. It's only the nights I'm upset and crying, that I wish he would just leave early, because I'm in no mood to entertain and all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep for a few days.
A while ago, the friend who had introduced us casually asked if I was still seeing him. I asked why.
"Oh, just wondering. I actually lost touch with him soon after I introduced you two."
I asked why again. He said that they didn't have anything in common anymore. I nodded and stayed silent as he tried to subtly suggest that I move on as well. The way he phrased it was that this guy could be a little too 'demanding' and 'inconsiderate' and he thought I 'was smart enough to do better.'
Maybe my friend is right. Honestly, to me it doesn't matter, because in the end, no matter how much I try, I'll always be partly attached out of habit. He knows me inside out, which is funny considering I still don't know his last name. He never officially introduced himself, but I eventually heard from whispers that he likes to go by the name of Insomnia
In fact, I'm not even startled anymore when I find him lounging on my bed, smiling wickedly at me, and hogging my pillows, the exact same way he used to before we ended it. They say old habits die hard. Its true. I find myself returning to him, like I return to all my used-to-be's.
This time, there's a tiredness in me and I don't even fight him. I capitulate completely, sometimes even planning special things for the nights I know he'll visit. I'll go grocery shopping, and pick up some extra chocolate, or rent a cute movie. He's met all my friends. Certain nights, they even keep us company for some time, shooting wary glances at his fingers laced through mine. Later, they quietly warn me that they think this relationship isn't the best for me. I shrug it off and tell them its not a big deal anyway. Our love is old news now, and he bores me. They don't know, but I secretly hope I can shake him off onto someone else.
When we first met, I was enamored. We had flirted every now and then for a couple months, but things only began to heat up when we were introduced over late night lattes by a mutual friend. I instantly took a liking to the promise of him. There were so many hours, and infinite things he could show me. In a way, I know there are facets of my personality that have his signature proudly stamped on them. He inducted me into the worlds of slam poetry, dub step and youtube covers. I began to read more books, blogs, even knock knock jokes just to sustain conversation with him. For a while, he challenged me for the better, inspired me, and comforted me by making each day a little less stressful. Unfortunately, the honey moon period didn't last forever, and bit by bit I noticed his shortcomings. Worse yet, I noticed how they rubbed off onto me.
I can't complain too much though. Sometimes we have good nights, and sometimes we have nights where I'm so fed up with him invading my bed, I wan't to bludgeon him. All relationships have ups and downs though so I can't complain. Atleast he's consistent, persistently visiting every night except the ones where I'm extremely tired, or have to study. He bolts out the door at the sight of textbooks. Our relationship is comfortable though. He sits on the counter in my kitchen as I make midnight pasta, makes himself at home on the floor and strokes my feet when I read on the couch, and sometimes even agrees to do midnight paintings with me when I'm feeling romantic. Even as I write this, he's here, sitting on the windowsill, getting ready to go just as the sun comes up. It's only the nights I'm upset and crying, that I wish he would just leave early, because I'm in no mood to entertain and all I want to do is curl up in my bed and sleep for a few days.
A while ago, the friend who had introduced us casually asked if I was still seeing him. I asked why.
"Oh, just wondering. I actually lost touch with him soon after I introduced you two."
I asked why again. He said that they didn't have anything in common anymore. I nodded and stayed silent as he tried to subtly suggest that I move on as well. The way he phrased it was that this guy could be a little too 'demanding' and 'inconsiderate' and he thought I 'was smart enough to do better.'
Maybe my friend is right. Honestly, to me it doesn't matter, because in the end, no matter how much I try, I'll always be partly attached out of habit. He knows me inside out, which is funny considering I still don't know his last name. He never officially introduced himself, but I eventually heard from whispers that he likes to go by the name of Insomnia
