I've been getting a LOT of feedback on my society rant lately. Most of it has been encouraging and some of it has been really rude but a few comments actually got me thinking. In that post, I talked about how I'm proud of who I am. Do I even know who that is?
Thats a pretty big question.
And of course, I have an idea of who I am, and what I'm like, but its not concrete. My views and my personality are constantly morphing. I'm fickle, I am a teenager right?
I know more about who I WANT to be than who I AM right at this minutes.
In a way, I find my sense of direction from this image of WHO I WANT TO BE.
I have this idealized image of a person who I strive to be like. A lot of the time I fall short of my own standards, or I find that though they are what I WANT to be, It's just not me.
Okay, I know that makes no sense, let me try to be clearer.
When I go shopping (especially when I go shopping with my mom), I always find a thousand and one things and then take them all to the trial room to see if they work on me or not. More times than not, the clothes don't work so I don't buy them. I end up trying on five million things and buying four of them. It's a tiring process. Anyway, sometimes, when I'm pulling a dress off of the rack, it catches my eye and I imagine how I can wear it, and how good it will look , and the places I'll go wearing it and oh, in thirty seconds, I've planned my whooole future with the dress! When I try it on, it looks like trash though. Usually, its a gorgeous dress, but it just doesn't fit my body type, or its just not ME. But I'll still hang on to it, try it on again, walk around, try to convince the people that I'm with that I can actually pull it off. You wouldn't believe how hard it is to let go of a dress you saw yourself finding a cure for AIDS in.
Back to my point. Sometimes this IDEALIZED image of me is like that save-the-world-dress. I WANT to wear that damn dress but it just will NOT work for me. In theory it all works out fine, but there end up being some integral facets of my personality or circumstance that just won't allow me to be that 'ideal' person.
When I talk about 'Who I Am', I'm usually actually talking about 'Who I Wish I Was'. I set the bar for this ideal version of me with the best intentions in the world, but sometimes I don't realize how far I am from becoming that version of myself. Essentially, who I am at this minute, is much less noble than the person I WANT to be.
I'm pretty sure its like that with a lot of people. We all aspire to be better! For me, my image of WHO I WANT TO BE is a version of myself with the absolute ideal personality and world view. For some people, the image of WHO THEY WANT TO BE, is a manifestation of them achieving their dreams.
My question is should we credit a person for their dream personality? They have only good intentions when they form this persona and even though they haven't achieved it yet, it was THEIR prerogative right? So should we acknowledge and appreciate a persons aspirations?
Its tricky because I guess it is easy enough to dream, but what separates the good from the exceptional is the actual achieving part. We appreciate a doctor, who worked hard and got into his dream medical school. We laud his ambition, his hardwork and his determination that culminated in his medical degree. We don't appreciate the pre-med student, who also had the SAME dreams at the medical student and worked just as hard but didn't make it because maybe he just wasn't smart enough? He had the same aspirations though, and the same passion, so why don't we credit him for having a dream and pursuing it?
Everyone has their own opinion, but I personally think that a persons INTENTIONS should be credited as well as their achievements. I most definitely respect an underprivileged kid who says he wants to be an engineer more than a well-off kid who says hes going to be an engineer because thats what his parents want.
Sure, one hundred to one, the well-off kid is going to be the one who actually becomes an engineer, but does that mean we should credit him more than the street kid who had the same dream?
It is, after all, the thought that counts right?
Personally, I find myself attaching a LOT of weight to a person's intentions. I can think of two people in my life who I constantly weigh by their intentions more than their actions. The first one, is a really good friend of mine, but we bicker on almost a weekly basis. Whenever we fight, I'm less comforted by his apologies for making me feel bad than his confession that he DIDN'T WANT to make me feel bad. He didn't intend for us to fight, and somehow that means more to me. The other person who comes to mind is always under my scrutiny because I'm constantly giving him hell like "I-dont-want-to-have-to-ask-you-for-anything-because-i-want-you-to-WANT-to-do-it!' (okay yes, I'm ridiculous sometimes) I get upset with him because he doesn't INTEND to call me or see me until I make an effort. I give more credit to the friend who calls me and hangs out with me by their own prerogative than I do to the friend who I finally get to see after a week of annoying them. I judge by intentions.
There are so many things in our life that either distill or disrupt how people perceive our intentions. If life was based solely on our intentions, wouldn't it be interesting to see what the distribution of success stories would be like?
Tell me what you think =)
