(prepare to witness rant)
I don't understand sports. I'm working on learning how to fake it, but I just can't get myself to scream/bleed/fight/die for a group of random men wearing orange and purple and sweating. But sometimes I can picture what its like to be a sports fan because I think I go through the same exact die-hard devotion when it comes to body image issues and homosexuality. Though both don't personally pertain to me, I feel pretty strongly about both, and so transitively, they pertain personally to me.
Once, in high school, I broke up with my then-boyfriend because he called a girl fat, and told me fat people were ugly.
"I'm allowed to have an opinion, I like skinny. You're skinny, why do you care?" he whined in his weird nasal voice. (Thankfully, my boy taste has improved). I wanted to PUNCH him, because first off, that girl was not obese or anywhere near unhealthy and secondly, it made it clear that he thought skinny was an achievement, or something to be proud of and thirdly, fat=ugly was the most ridiculous, repulsive, rude logic ever and it made me angry.
Sadly, I think that one conversation with him embodied the stereotypical ideas that most people have about body image. Fat = unattractive, skinny = attractive. To an extent, I agree that unhealthy people are less attractive, but if grossly obese is unattractive, then I don't understand why grossly underweight isn't either. Are visible rib cages, bulging eyes, and paper thin skin sexy now? Someone needs to tell the porn industry to move their production to Somalia.
Why is skinny pretty?? It ISN'T. It's just skinny.
I can understand that it may be hypocritical for me to be writing this, or even thinking it when I have never had an experience with an eating disorder. Clearly, I do not know how hard it is or why it happens, so I can only comment on how much I loathe it. I hate calorie counting. Yes, I can appreciate the value of calorie counting in some situations. Like when it comes to my dad who is older and has a slower metabolism and needs some extra help to get healthy. But I hate calorie counting when I see it with my friends, hear it in small talk, watch people my age BOND over it and witness people I know live by it. I don't mean to be insensitive, I don't blame or look down upon anyone, but sometimes I want to SHAKE people and scream "YOU ARE HEALTHY, YOU ARE FUNNY, YOU ARE SMART AND YOU ARE GORGEOUS, AND I WISH YOU WOULD COUNT DREAMS INSTEAD OF CALORIES BECAUSE NO JOKE, ONE DAY YOU WILL BE ON THE COVER OF A MAGAZINE FOR BEING BRILLIANT AND PEOPLE WILL LUST AFTER YOU FOR YOUR TALENTS, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU EAT ONE COOKIE OR TWO TODAY"
It breaks my heart to see people idolize the barely-there bodies in magazines and television. Fashion is ART that’s supposed to showcase the visions and inspirations of a a section of extremely talented people. But now the fashion industry is just an icon for social starvation, advertising the wrong body image and destroying the young girl's perception of an ideal body. I'm so frustrated, I've been sitting here for ten minutes trying to phrase things in a non offensive way but its difficult. Celebrities, fashion editors, directors, designers, ANYONE who has the ability to control what goes in front of people should have the bravery to stand up for what’s good : HEALTHY BODIES, REAL BEAUTY. NOONE should aspire to own a barely-there body, noone should ever be distressed that they don't have a barely-there body.
It really bothers me to know that there are so many people who have been tricked into thinking that the only way for them to be beautiful is to be skinny, or lose weight, or whatever else they may think. Actually, the sad part is, I don't even know if what I just typed is valid, maybe eating disorders are because of more than just social pressure. They are clearly problems and I wish I knew how to make them better.
I know what its like to have an emotional problem. Hell, this whole blog is like an ode to my depression. Its harder than anything else I've ever done. Its almost impossible to understand for other people, because being happy is easy for them, its second nature. "Stop being dramatic, stop feeling sorry for yourself" That crappy advice got old REAL fast. Noone WANTS to have an emotional problem, noone enjoys being depressed, or disliking their body. If it was as easy as "stop being dramatic", these issues wouldn’t exist. I could, no joke, slap someone in the face for saying something like that. But that would mean I'm as stupid as they are for not understanding how other people see it. I know its difficult to grasp something that you've personally never experienced.
So, if nothing else, know you're not alone, it isn't your fault, and when you're ready, I know you will get through it. We aren't built to handle pressure to be perfect, and just because it affects you more than it affects other people doesn't make you a weaker person. Getting sucked in, surviving it and moving forward makes you a much stronger person than people give you credit for. There are so many invisible struggles that society doesn't credit us for, but I recognize strength and bravery in you. So will everyone you allow to be part of it. Just because its happening to you doesn't mean it doesn't affect the rest of us around you. Don't be afraid, I believe you are smart and adaptable and there's nothing life can throw to you that you won't be able to overcome. You are beautiful just the way you are, and once you realize that, you'll see that the rest of us knew it all along.
