HELLO LOST CAUSE!
I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN UP ON YOU THREE YEARS AGO...TOO BAD I'M STUPID RIGHT?
I have this one friend...(who rubs off on me causing me to behave like a cheeseball and also an evolutionary defect)
He asks me how its possible to have more than one bestest friend. Who said there needs to be a hierarchy though? Why is it impossible to love and trust more than one person? He doesnt just ASK though, he obsesses over it. He has this crazy notion that I'm dramatically social or incredibly popular or something. And boy is he wrong. I wouldn't say I'm anti-social, but I'm definitely shyer than average.
On nights like this...I'm reminded over and over again why it might be a bad idea to only have like 2 friends.
Especially when half of them live on the otherside of the freaking world. Out of the half that are here, most are either sleeping, studying their butts off, or having a long overdue conversation with their ex girlfriend(who they are still secretly smitten with). Which effectively leaves me friendless.
Atleast for these few hours.
Even though we've probably had this argument going for months now, this time around it went worse than ever.
I noticed more than I usually notice though. The windows were open and my feet hurt from pacing in those death-trap high heels. Honestly, my whole POA revolved around getting SOME form of reassurance so I would have peace of mind knowing that the blisters on my feet were all for a good cause.
I went home. I called back to check.
He didn't even say a word. I was angry, but unsurprised. It's not supposed to be that easy to ice your best friend out but damn, he was making it seem like a cakewalk. My tears fell onto the iPod screen and dashboard confessional was playing. I hung up and had a hindi movie moment where i staggered around my room screeching "shitt" (lololol). You know how you always think that the whole instant-tears deal only happens in the movies? Apparently not.
I had a fifteen minute pity party.
I really wanted to just hurl that phone out the window. I wanted to walk over and rip all those memories off his wall, rip his hair out of his head and then stand back and laugh my evil laugh =)
Actually no, I really just wanted to clock him. One really good, solid punch. Yes, I am violent, get over it.
He deserves it, the universe knows that =)
I remembered the random person I had talked to earlier. She was brave, she held her own, she made me laughh =)
I admired her, but mostly, I adored her for no real reason. Its poetic to think of love at first sight, but thats not real. For me, it was empathy at first thought. Thats the closest it gets to instant love.
This blog makes no sense really. It says all the in-between things that I dont mind thinking about long enough to write down.
I would rather not think about everything else that went stupid yesterday lol. I'll clock him, and then I'll get over myself for good I promise =)
and for You my little concubine, I usually don't do this.
Thank you for being incredible and holding my hand over the phone while I cried my face off and ranted about cake or hippos or whatever it was.
but thank you the most.
for being on my side. always =)
I freaking love you kiddo.
<3 TheOtherAsexualFlower
